| California dreamin |
[22 Mar 2004|11:56am] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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The postal service - Such Great Heights |
] |
Went to california for a week and a half with chris... so awesome! We took a train and each just brought a backpack full of stuff cause we had no idea where we would stay. We went to san diego for 2 days and San francisco for the rest.
St. Patricks day in SF was CRAZY the hostel we stayed at had a huge party with free beer and we drank way too much because it's not utah beer and chris and I stumbled around the streets singing billy joel all night.
Met up with some cool vegan kids in Berkley and crashed at their place for a few nights, I hope they come visit SLC soon.
Chris got his lip pierced on the side and it's hot like you wouldn't believe. We had such a great time... 11 days straight and we didn't want to kill eachother by the end! In fact, he came over this morning and later tonight we are going to a vegan cooking class and watching anime after he finishes his dumb homework. Wow lots of time with that boy, I'm ok with it haha.
We went to build a bear and made a bear named bobbie, he's super cute!
My bedroom is all finished being built so I'm decorating today.
The really great thing about this week is I came home and found out I GOT ACCEPTED TO THE U OF U!!!!!!!!! I can't even believe it... I'm going to college next year! ME! So so so soooooo cool.
This has been the best week of my whole life.
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[03 Feb 2004|08:55pm] |
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Everyone who wants to should come to my house tomorrow night... allies sleeping over so we're having movies and all kinds of fun stuff. Let me know if you need the adress!
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| Hmmm... |
[26 Jan 2004|05:26pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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Bright eyes |
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So... I have a boyfriend now, weird. He asked me, I said yes, the rest is history. Cute though very cute. I'm happy. Allie approves, which rocks. Oh we need cute kids friday night to take pictures of for allies portfolio, leave a comment if you're interested.
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| armed with every precious failure |
[11 Jan 2004|11:02am] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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The weakerthans |
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Spent the night with chris a few nights ago, he wrote me a really sweet e-mail...
"I always imagined a perfect night to be sitting around watching Breakfast Club and kissing with a pretty girl. You are amazing, you should know."
He's so sweet. What am I going to do? He's such a nice kid, I'm not, I'll scare him off sooner or later I'm sure. Dammit! This emo shit is too much sometimes!
Chris and I so far
Mix CDs
Late night walks
Sweet e-mails
Letters
Old movies
Trading books
Sleepovers
Vegan breakfast
Waking up in his bed, in his clothes
Making out in Lucy ( his car) to 80s music
Drinking too much and passing out on his living room floor together
Getting high and listening to Bright eyes
Ciggarettes in the mountains
Walking back to his parents house when the car gets locked in up the canyon
Him trying to make me sleep
Exploring "haunted" places
Sitting on roofs
Poetry Jams
Jazz shows
Evergreens
He makes fun of my tattoos, I make fun of the fact he doesn't have any
Bringing in the new year with champagne, making out, and the cure
It's like a fucking photo album, it's perfect. Part of me wants to give in to it, and part of me wants to fight it, or run. I mean it will just end sooner or later, might as well be sooner. Before he asks me to be his girlfriend or something like that and I have to try to explain that I can't. Shit. I don't even know why I can't, I just know I can't. It seems too fucking pointless to bother myself with. Drama drama drama. Look at me, I'm amazing, I'm creating drama that hasn't even happened yet haha, maybe I can be a girlfriend!
Yeah so enough of that, I started playing Final Fantasy XI! So so so amazing! I've fed that game quite a few hours of my life already! I can't figure out what is so fucking fun about it, but it is.
I need to be in school... next year seems so far away. I know I should just chill and be happy that I don't have to stress about it yet but I'm SO bored. I like to be learning, I really do, in fact I need to be. Hopefully I'll get into the U of U for next year, if not SLCC I suppose. Or trainhopping... NO BAD MEGAN!
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| On the bright side... sort of |
[23 Dec 2003|03:40pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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Dancin in heaven |
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I guess I'm going to the club tonight... I don't really want to but sitting around my apartment feeling bad isn't going to do me or my dad any good. I don't know that getting drunk and stumbling around the dance floor will do much good either haha... but it sounds like more fun. I'm doing much better than I was last night... I'm still having a really hard time, but things are a little bit more in perspective for me.
-Reasons I feel better about it-
1)I can't even count how many times the doctors have been wrong about my dad...
2)My dad is tough as hell
3) No one lives forever, even if they are right, I have to let him go sometime
4) I know jack shit about heart problems pumping at 30% could be not that bad... maybe it sounds worse than it is
5) My mom is the one who told me all of this and she tends to be a bit *cough* dramatic, plus she was trying to make me feel guilty at the time
6) There are a lot of options my dad hasn't tried yet, he hasn't even had an open heart surgery yet
7) My dad wouldn't want me to be sad over him... and being sad won't change anything
8) I'm going to be glad for the time I've had with him... I could have lost him when he had his first heart attack when I was like 7
Allie thank you so much for calling this morning... I'm sorry I didn't talk to you, I just didn't think I could handle talking about it. I love you and I'll see you at the club tonight. Hopefully that ID I gave ya works!!
Thanks to everyone for all the comments... they made me feel not so alone, which was exactly what I needed most. I want to hang out lots with everyone this week... so if anyone is bored let me know! I need to keep super busy!
On other subjects I miss Jamie like crazy... shes only been gone a few days, I'm fucking pathetic. I'm getting Final Fantasy 11 for xmas, I know cause I went shopping with mommy. Merry Christmas everyone... I wish I cared about the holidays more, can't help but think they're bullshit. It will be nice to see my family though.
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| help |
[22 Dec 2003|11:13pm] |
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mood |
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 numb |
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My dad is dying... the heart attack a few months ago did major damage and his heart is only pumping at 30%. This will probably be my last xmas with him. I'm writing this on here because I can't talk about it... fuck I can hardly think about it. I can't think about anything. I feel so fucking empty and alone. My dad is the one who has been there for me my whole life... that accepted who I was, that stood up for me, inspired me, believed in me. How do I deal with losing him... someone tell me please because I'm so lost right now.
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| Life, Love. and all that shit |
[21 Dec 2003|07:17pm] |
ASI company xmas party tonight... it was so awesome! I love all those people so much. I got to see markus' baby, I normaly am not big on the whole kid thing but this baby was so fucking cute I could hardly stand it! I almost think I might like to have one of my own someday... almost. Eh on second thought I'll let autumn or Jamie have one and I'll play with it, yup.. that'll work!
I miss chris... uh oh getting attached... bad bad things! BAD MEGAN! The last thing I need is to get attached to a boy. Ugh, so not supposed to happen! It's nice though... he's so different from the majority of the kids I hang out with. He cares about the things that are really really important to me like animal rights, but we also disagree about a lot of things. Keeps things interesting. Although if he fucking calls the birds in my chest piece jelly doughnuts one more time I'm gonna kill him. KILL HIM! I think he just does it to bug me.. does anyone else think they look like jelly doughnuts?
Allie and I have been talking again... so so wonderful. I adore that girl. I miss her... I can't wait until she turns 18 so we can really start hanging out again, I mean I can see her now... but all the curfews and that crap kinda kills it.
Watching legally blonde 2 with billy now... yay!
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| Really love your peaches wanna shake your tree... |
[09 Dec 2003|07:53pm] |
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mood |
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Space Cowboy |
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Autumn + dancing tonight. Hoorah! Love Love Love that girl!
She loves me too...
"the stars up in the sky go slowly passing by........
megan baby, i love you too. your my best friend....even when im sober. haha. marry me......."
-Autumn
You're all so jealous ;)
Had an eye appointment today... they put those stupid eyedrops in that give me headaches, ouch! I slept all day cause of it! I was supposed to go to ASI but I didn't because billy says I refused to wake up... haha not that they really care if I'm there or not. I guess Billy talked to eric and he was just glad I was finally getting some rest. I have the greatest friends... seriously, no matter what else happens.
Jamie is home... she had a bad flight so shes sleeping, but I get to see her tomorrow! Yay! Ok I gotta go eat.
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| Just jealous cause we're young and in love! |
[09 Dec 2003|07:46am] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
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music |
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Cartoons billy is watching |
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I hate myself so much... I don't even know why. It's not any one thing, it's not anything I can fix. I just hate being me. Wow that was negative...Ok enough of that shit! I shouldn't even think like that let alone write it!
So Matt is pretty mean... he says he wants to hang out.. then he doesn't then he does, who knows? I lost my keys tonight... told him so... he says he "can take a hint". Weird... I've known that kid for years, he know I ALWAYS lose things... he really shouldn't take things so personally! If I didn't want to hang out with him, why the hell would I make plans with him? *sigh* Oh well, I suppose I'll wait for him to realize that.
Kalli was supposed to call so we could get coffee tonight... she didn't and it was sad. Oh well... shit happens, hopefully she can go dancing tomorrow. Kalli if you're reading this... I was going to call you but you said you'd call me late and all of a sudden it was 2am and I didn't want to wake you guys up. Plus any decent coffee place was closed. So I'll hope for tomorrow?
Chris came and saw me tonight... nice kid but as confusing as hell. I adore him but things seem weird lately. We went down to autumns apartment and ate her freezy pop thingys and waited for her to get home, which she didn't do. Thats ok though... maybe she was at her mommys seeing as they are cool again. I'm really happy for her, it would suck to have your mom not be there for you just 'cause of your diet and a little (ok really big) tattoo.
I'm glad I have my mom and my dad... they really are great, despite the problems we've had. I figure if they can forgive me for the things I've done, I owe them the same. My dad is the all time coolest old guy ever. He's been great to me lately. He told me my mom used to be quite the wild child herself.. that makes me happy. Everyone deserves to have their time being an irresponsible kid.
Billy and I found an awesome 2 bedroom apartment... it's across the street from coffee garden!! Hopefuly we get approved... That boy is the greatest, he's worried he's not so everyone tell him how great he is, my oppinion isn't enough I guess haha.
Jamie and I have been super close lately, I hope things stay that way. It's nice to have a girlfriend other than autumn, not that autumn's not great 'cause she is but she's much more to me than a friend. Not sure what... just more.
All about autumn
Now that I got thinking about that girl...
I don't know how else to explain it... maybe it's possible to be too close to a person to just be friends? I mean autumn is my everything, we've been through it all... I don't even know if I would have realized that I like girls without her. She was my first real girl best friend, my first girlfriend, and first person I ever felt I could spend all my time with and never want it to change. She taught me so much.
We we're so cute in highschool... you all should have seen us! Everyone was jealous! Except not really cause kissin girls in highschool is NOT COOL! I went back and read the poetry we wrote eachother and it brought back all the feelings we forget about. She's always called herself my "ciggarette scented angel" and she is. She's beautiful... so beautiful. Baby I know you read this... I'm writing you another poem, not the first, not the last. So check our site soon. You mean the world to me. *Kisses*
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| Birthday! |
[02 Dec 2003|12:05am] |
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I'm 19! Hoorah! One more year... I should really do something with my life huh? Nah probably not, I'm having fun!
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| Hey my first post in a LONG time |
[13 Nov 2003|07:27pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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Daria is on |
] |
x: Name = Megan
:x: Piercings = 5 soon to be 6
:x: Tattoos = 2
:x: Height = 5'3
:x: Shoe Size = 6 1/2
:x: Hair Colour = black
:x: Length = short
:x: Siblings = 1 sister
LAST...
:x: Movie You Rented = Wrong turn
:x: Movie You Bought = reservior dogs
:x: Song You Listened To = bright eyes-nothing gets crossed out
:x: Song Stuck In Your Head = bright eyes- if winter ends
:x: CD You Bought = I don't remember
:x: CD You Listened To = the cure
:x: Person You've Called = steve
:x: Person That's Called You= Jeff
:x: TV Show You've Watched =Friends
:x: Person You Were Thinking Of = autumn
DO...
:x: You Have A BF Or GF = sort of
:x: You Have A Crush On Someone = yup
:x: You Wish You Could Live Somewhere Else = not really, I used to hate it here but rents cheap and the kids rock
:x: You Think About Suicide = Yeah, but not seriously
:x: You Believe In Online Dating = no
:x: Others Find You Attractive = some people do
:x: You Want More Piercings = I work in a tattoo shop... of course I want more piercings
:x: You Do Drugs = define drugs
:x: You Smoke = yeah
:x: You Like Cleaning = I hate it when things are dirty
:x: You Like Roller Coasters = umm yeah I guess
:x: You Write In Cursive or Print = print
:x: You Carry A Donor Card = I said yes on my liscence but I may change it.
DO YOU AGREE WITH...
:x: Long Distance Relationships = not for me
:x: Using Someone = no
:x: Killing People = some people deserve it
:x: Teenage Smoking = damn kids haha
:x: Doing Drugs = depends on the drug
:x: Driving Drunk = definately not, thats fucked up
:x: Gay/Lesbian Relationships= oh yeah
FAVORITE...
:x: Food = Vegan ANYTHING!
:x: Song = I don't know
:x: Thing To Do = 80s dancing
:x: Thing To Talk About = veganism
:x: Sports = I like dancing
:x: Drinks = water
:x: Clothes = cute ones
:x: Movies = fight club, from hell, mulholland drive, donnie darko, lots
:x: Band/Singer = too many to count
:x: Holiday = halloween
:x: Cars = My old 1971 BMW *sigh*
HAVE YOU...
:x: Ever Cried Over A girl = yes
:x: Ever Been In A Fist Fight = oh yeah haha but not for a while
:x: Ever Been Arrested = yup
WHAT...
:x: Shampoo Do You Use = beauty without cruelty
:x: cologne Do You Use = none
:x: Shoes Do You Wear = converses or my maryjanes
:x: Are You Scared Of = doctors
NUMBER...
:x: Of Times I Have Been In Love = I really don't know, maybe never
:x: Of Times I Have Had My Heart Broken = more than enough
:x: number of hearts i have broekn = again... more than enough
:x:Of Continents I Have Lived In = 1
:x: Of People I Consider My Enemies = 0
:x: Of Scars On My Body = quite a few
:x: Of Things In My Past That I Regret = life is way too short for regrets
FAVORITE...
:x: Disney Movie = Oliver and company
:x: Scent = rain
:x: Word = schweet
:x: Nickname = megz
:x: Eye Colour = brown
:x: Flower = rose
:x: Color = pink
:x: Piercing = I like my lip piercing
:x: Actor = Brad Pitt is cool
:x: Actress = I don't know there's a couple
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: handsome = hmmmm
:x: Funny = I can be
:x: Amusing = when I'm drunk
:x: Loveable = to some people
:x: Caring = yes
:x: Dorky = oh, like you wouldn't believe
:x: Foolish = can be
:x: A Loser = for sure
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[15 Oct 2003|02:41am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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80's music in my head |
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Well working at ASI is the best thing ever, tottally rocks my socks! Eric (the guy I'm doing the apprenticship with) has a job lined up for me starting at the beginning of next year... yeah I'm gonna get paid to poke holes in people, sweet! I feel like the luckiest girl alive! I need people to let me practice piercing on them pretty soon here, Eric said the deal is we will do the piercing for the price of the jewlry and he will supervise and garuntee the piercing... so everyone who is interested let me know. Yup, thats about all thats been goin on... I spend most of my time at ASI which is A-OK with me! Things with chris are wonderful... we went to a really cool poetry jam at the U of U, it was way cool. I wish I had the guts to get up on stage and read my poetry like that... maybe someday.
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| this weekend has been fun |
[04 Oct 2003|06:36pm] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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music |
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FATA |
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I found out I passed my GED, I did awesome! I got my chest piece outlined on friday... it was great! Shading in 2 weeks! I also went and got my nose pierced today... fun stuff. Now I have to go to work, it's ok though I like work ok. I think I might have gotten a piercing apprenticship at ASI I'll find out next week! Hoorah! This weekend has been great so far.
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| Things can't be perfect all the time |
[23 Sep 2003|03:23pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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I'm bored so I'm doing these survey things... yup
mood: Kind of lonely I guess
music: Fear before the march of flames
past
first grade teacher's name: Don't remember
last word you said: ???
last song you sang: Anberlin- foreign language
last person you hugged: James
last thing you laughed at: My dad buying a goddam sailboat on a whim
last time you said 'i love you': today, to james
last time you cried: couple of days ago
present
what's in your cd player: Mix cds all around
what color socks are you wearing: None
what's under your bed: My bed is a matress on my floor
what time did you wake up today: hmmm.... I wake up every 3 hours or so, but I got out of bed at like 11
future
where do you want to go: New Orleans
what is your career going to be: Who knows... I'm going to major in history in college, maybe I'll teach school, or work at blockbuster my whole life. I don't care what my job is.
where are you going to live: Probably SLC or New Orleans or New York or SF, I want to live in europe at some point also...
what kind of car will you have: Motercycle baby
current taste: in my mouth...? Blue Sky Raspberry Soda
current hair: black with blondish streaks, kind of japanese... 3 people have said I look like an anime character
current clothes: My star jeans and a v-neck black and white striped shirt my hair is flipped out with a blue ribbon in it
current annoyance: People bitching about their late fees at blockbuster! Heres a fucking brilliant idea... ok ready? BRING YOUR GODDAM MOVIES BACK ON TIME AND YOU WON'T GET FEES! I DIDN'T DO IT SO DON'T FUCKING YELL AT ME!
current smell: Sawdust... we're building me a bedroom in my apartment
current longing: I miss chris and allie...
current desktop picture: A Coheed and Cambria logo
current favorite artist: I'm excited about coheed and cambrias new cd, fear before the march of flames rocks, oh and anberlin
current book: I just finished catcher in the rye
current worry: My apartment is a mess and I can't clean it because we are doing construction so theres nowhere to clean things to! It's super cluttered and it makes me feel like a slob.
current time-wasting wish: that I could just leave, go trainhopping, forget any sort of responsibility and not have anything. I hate having things, I really do... but I can't help getting them for some reason.
current hate: I hate animal exploitation, oh and Jeff Mitchell that fuckface
story behind your dj username: I dunno, I don't think I made it up... there really isn't one
current favorite article of clothing: My dark blue jeans
favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: Hips, clavicle, neck, eyes, hair
last cd that you bought: I don't have money to buy cds... chris brought me a streetlight manifesto cd that rocks my socks though
favorite place to be: anywhere exciting
least favorite place to be: sleeping
strong in mind or strong in body: a little of both, probably mostly mind
time you wake up in the morning: I don't wake up in the morning... thats when I go to bed
if you could play any instrument, what would it be: drums... I tried once
favorite colour: silver
do you believe in an afterlife?: honestly... I don't care, I'm only concerned with this life. I guess I'll find out when I die.
how tall are you?: 5 ft 3 in
current favourite word: goddam, thats the word the boy in catcher in the rye uses a lot so I got hooked on it
favorite book currently: Catcher in the Rye... because it's the last one I read ;)
favorite season: autumn
one person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Annie
one person you wish was here right now: Allie or chris, maybe autumn or billy
favorite day: Tuesdays
type a line you remember from any book:
"who wept at the romance of the streets with their pushcarts full of onions
and bad music,"
a line from the last thing you wrote to someone: I left autumn a note in her apartment
a random lyric: Boys speak in rythem and girls just lie.. do doo do do
identify some things surrounding your computer: speakers, candy wrappers my orange juice
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| Ask her if she still keeps her kings in the back row... |
[17 Sep 2003|01:25pm] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
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music |
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Streetlight manifesto |
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So I haven't written in forever... I don't know, haven't felt like it I guess. We decided not to move into another apartment, we're just building a 2nd bedroom in this one. Yay for getting my very own room! I have an interview at PIC today, hmmm 2 jobs could be good. I finished catcher in the rye, wow, that book really killed me. I cried at the end of it, not so much that the ending is sad but the whole book is so goddam real! It's a lot like perks, except Holden doesn't have quite the niave innocence charlie does. I realated to him a lot more. So yeah I cried my goddam eyes out in the middle of my GED, what a dork eh?
"A lot of people, especially this one physcoanalyst guy they have here, keep asking me if I'm going to apply myself when I go back to school next year. It's such a stupid question, in my opinion. I mean, how do you know what you're going to do till you do it? The answer is you don't. I think I am, but how do I know? I swear it's a stupid question."
Yup I like that line a lot. I loved the whole goddam book. I also read "Howl" by Ginsberg in the last couple of days... wow. So yeah reading and working has been my life because I'm a nerd... oh well. I wish I had more interesting things to write here, but I don't. It's really not that my life is that boring, but the really bad things I don't want to talk about, and the really swell things would be cheapened by posting them to the world. Allie, good luck with your parents, see you tonight perhaps?
"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving
hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry
fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the
starry dynamo in the machinery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the
supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of
cities contemplating jazz"
-Howl
read the whole thing at
http://www.poets.org/poems/poems.cfm?45442B7C000C07050174
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[27 Aug 2003|02:40am] |
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80's night rocked my socks! I saw Catie there, she was all sorts of cute. Also saw ryan, what a chick magnet! Ummmm danced my ass off. Catie said something interesting to me... I think she was joking. Hmmmm, who knows with that girl. It was good to see her though. Now I'm home, I'm tired but happy. I wish chris would have come with me, I think he would have fun. Someday though... maybe next week. I need to see stevie! Hes back from his adventures now. 80s night reminds me of stevie because we used to sneak (oh the sneaking we did) out of our parents houses to go every tuesday and thursday. I adore that kid. Things with billy are going good, I was a little worried about living together after we broke up but it's all working out ok. Actually very little has changed, we still love eachother very much and if we ever do get back together our friendship will be even stronger.
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[26 Aug 2003|09:55pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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music |
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Saul williams - Om Nia Merican |
] |
Things have been fun... hung out with scottie some nights ago, yeah that was cool, I miss him. Hopefully it isn't another long stretch of time before I get to see him again!!
I hung out with chris on sunday night, he's so very very wonderful! We went exploring and watched bowling for coulmbine. Michael Moore is god. Ummm we had a long discussion about how hot jhonny dep is, haha, cool.
We also went to Jeff and collin's house, collin actually got cute! It was gross they had a cheese pizza which they insisted to me was food but it smelled worse than anything I have ever smelled. I couldn't stand to watch them eat it (it was dripping grease!) so I went and laid in Jeffs room and tried to ignore the smell. Jeff has dvds of all the episodes of friends, haha what a cool kid. Then we started to watch Boondock saints which looked awesome, but Jeff mitchell (Possibly the most annoying person I've ever met) showed up and me and chris left. It was kind of mean, as soon as jeff mitchell showed up me and chris just get up and leave, and he was like "where are you goin? the movies just starting" and chris said "we decided we can't see this movie until we know what a boondock is" then we scurried out the door before further questioning. Chris is my hero, he always says cool things.
Working at blockbuster is really cool, I like free movies.
I want to hang out with kalli.
80s night tonight, hopefully that will be fun.
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[22 Aug 2003|09:45pm] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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bright eyes |
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Me and billy broke up... I'm so sad right now, but I think things are going to be ok... I hope.
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[19 Aug 2003|08:42am] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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The faint |
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Cadence had her kittens! She had 4 and one was a still born. They are all cute little tabby cats, one has a fucked up front foot. We named one Charlie and one The Cheat and autumn is naming hers... Yay for kittens!
I was supposed to take my GED today but I decided to reschedule because I have to work and I don't want to be stressed out when I take it.
I got to hang out with preston... it was wonderful.
My mommy bought me clothes, they are cute.
I met a rad boy at work, his name is Aaron and he's 27, he lives right up the street from me! He's going to help me get a piercing apprenticship!! Yay!
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